Jump to content

Providing independent coverage of the Minnesota Twins.
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

The Forums

Helfand: “early June start appears out of picture”

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 09:15 PM
https://www.twinciti...florida-orders/
Full topic ›

Watch the Play-by-Play of the Cleveland Indians (10-1) @...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:07 PM
  For those of you who don't know, I have been acting like the Twins have been,"playing," everyday and doing the color commentary ov...
Full topic ›

VIDEO: Opposing Pitchers Getting Wasted By The Bomba Squad

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 05:15 PM
Here's an entire highlight reel of just pitchers reacting to Twins bombas. Enjoy.  
Full topic ›

Good Cuts.

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 03:43 PM
Mark Salas blocked the heck outta that plate.  
Full topic ›

Recent Baseball America Milb Organization Rankings

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 06:15 PM
Since I'm not giving everything away, assuming it's OK to just mention the Twins here. BA ranks the Twins 8th going in to the 2020 season...
Full topic ›

Recent Blogs


Grown Man Asks Santa Claus For Starting Pitching

Zach Moen is 43. The Chaska native has been following the Minnesota Twins his entire life. His focus since the team’s humbling playoff exit has been singular: Improvements to the team’s starting rotation. With free agency a bust and the prospect of swinging a blockbuster trade daunting, he turned to an unlikely source for help.
Image courtesy of © Marco Garcia-USA TODAY Sports
“You know how in some department stores at the mall they have a little table and mailbox for writing letters to Santa,” said Moen. “I didn’t see an age limit sign anywhere, so I grabbed a blue crayon and got to work.”

Moen, who admits that he was previously very skeptical of the portly saint’s existence, said it was just one way in which he harnessed the power of dreams and wishes to fulfill his favorite team’s most urgent need this holiday season.

“I think most people agree that it’s weird to go to the mall and see a grown-ass man sitting on Santa’s lap,” said Moen. “But isn’t it weirder to have ample payroll to add any starting pitcher you want and not doing so? I went to Rosedale with purpose and resolve: To ask Santa for a new pitcher.

“I didn’t sit on his lap, by the way, I’m not a weirdo,” Moen added. “I just kneeled down and quietly but very firmly told him what I wanted. An elf named Tyler told me I needed to leave or he was going to call his manager, but I said what needed saying.”

Despite similar results at other malls (“You get used to the looks and security escorting you back to your car”), Moen entered Christmas Eve optimistic and prepared.

“So NORAD has this Santa Tracker, where they track the reindeer and Santa’s sleigh as they deliver gifts,” said Moen. “And you can watch it online. What I did on Christmas was zero in on the radar image of the sleigh itself. You can see the jolly old elf and the overstuffed sack of toys clear as day. But that sleigh is a two-seater. Who’s that second seat for? Mrs. Claus doesn’t go on these trips. Noah Syndergaard, maybe? I’m just asking questions.”

When Christmas Day dawned and no transaction news came with it, Moen was disappointed but did not lose faith.

“It was a bummer, there’s no two ways about it,” said Moen. “But you have to look at it logically, too. The way I see it, the player’s union will probably raise hell if a team puts a player on an unlicensed aircraft flown by magic animals over the holidays for the purposes of a trade. It’ll be way easier to do it through the traditional channels this weekend or first thing Monday. I expect we’ll find out soon enough.”

  • Oldgoat_MN, Blackjack, sftwinsfan and 4 others like this

  • Share:
  • submit to reddit
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

7 Comments

Photo
sampleSizeOfOne
Dec 27 2019 08:40 AM
But has Zach been good this year?

I am led to believe that is a consideration in the process...
    • ashbury, USAFChief, glunn and 2 others like this
If he didn’t get the starting pitcher, what did he get? If he got Coal, I blame him for wrecking it for all of us by being on the naughty list and asking for the Ace we needed! If he WAS on the naughty list and did this to us, how selfish of him! I would suggest Zach move to Chicago to hang out with Bartman. He and the Cubs will probably be more forgiving than we will...
    • glunn and Sconnie like this

Zach Moen will flip the new pitcher for cash to a team with World Series aspirations and pocket the windfall.

    • glunn likes this
Photo
diehardtwinsfan
Dec 27 2019 01:28 PM

I wanted Cole in my stocking. Santa disappointed. 

    • glunn, Han Joelo, notoriousgod71 and 1 other like this
Right on time. Thanks for this one
    • Sconnie likes this
Photo
notoriousgod71
Dec 27 2019 06:32 PM

 

I wanted Cole in my stocking. Santa disappointed. 

I would have settled for Madison.

Nice Work!

    • Sconnie likes this

Similar Articles


by John Bonnes , Yesterday, 06:42 AM
Photo


by Ted Schwerzler , 17 Dec 2019
Photo


by Cody Christie , 30 Jul 2019
Photo


by Ted Schwerzler , 30 Jul 2019
Photo


by Tom Froemming , 29 Jul 2019
Photo