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Recent Proposal

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 12:00 PM
https://theathletic....=freedailyemail   The players have rejected the owners last proposal, the players have proposed a longer seas...
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Virtual Twins Baseball Megathread

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 09:49 AM
Moving forward this will house every game-thread in the comments below until real baseball hopefully comes back. I should have done this...
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Zulgad: Is MLB really making return about dollars and cents?

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:45 AM
https://www.skornort...lars-and-cents/   The owners have made their proposal to the players. The players association will now have t...
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2020 MINOR LEAGUE SEASON

Twins Minor League Talk Yesterday, 02:06 PM
Baseball America takes a look at what is happening in the minors, a season that would now have been a couple of weeks old.   https:/...
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Too Far From Town: Elizabethton Twins

Twins Minor League Talk 28 May 2020
This seems to be a free article in the Baseball Prospectus series on minor league teams in danger of elimination.   https://www.base...
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Recent Blogs


Diehard Twins Fan Admits to Self, Cat That He Didn’t Know Who Sean Poppen Was Either

Lino Lakes man talks a good game at work on Thursday, but later, in the quiet of his living room, reveals that he knew better.
Image courtesy of © Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports
The resurgent 2019 Twins have been a boon for Bruce Stoffer. The 3M account executive, known around the office for his omnipresent Twins cap and bobblehead collection, has had a field day talking to his newly interested co-workers about the team. Nowhere was this more apparent than on Thursday morning, when the subject of new reliever Sean Poppen came up.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been following Poppen’s rise through the system for quite awhile now,” Stoffer lied to his assistant. “I think everyone was panicked that he’d falter and the bullpen would really get worked, but I had faith in his stuff.
Stoffer continued this string of falsehoods over lunch.

“I’ve always liked Poppen’s velo and figured it could translate in the bigs if he could throw strikes,” fibbed the 39-year-old bachelor to the table of co-workers at Jimmy John’s. “Definitely one of those arms that stands out when you’re breaking down the prospects.”

The unrelenting wave of BS was capped off at the end of the day at a birthday celebration for Carly, his direct supervisor.

“When the game finally ended on Tuesday night, I sent a text to my buddy Josh saying I bet they call up Poppen in the morning,” said Stoffer, in a whopper that defied belief and gravity, to his assembled co-workers over a sheet cake from Cub Foods. “When you follow the game, these are the nuances that register for you.”

Later, alone and toggling between the Twins game and the NBA Draft on his television, he muted the volume and looked around his sparsely appointed living room.

“I have no idea who that guy is,” he admitted to his cat, Otto. “I looked all that up on Baseball Prospectus when the game was on like everyone else did. I don’t know why I did this.”

Stoffer promised the cat that he would not do the same thing regarding Timberwolves draft pick Jarrett Culver on Friday, who he had never heard of until he was drafted. He later admitted that the odds of this were 50/50 at best.

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11 Comments

Hey diehardtwinsfan, your name was in print today!

 

RS, do Riverbrian and USAFChief next!

    • Dantes929, Oldgoat_MN and Hosken Bombo Disco like this
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diehardtwinsfan
Jun 21 2019 05:44 AM

I'm not 39, nor a Bachelor, and I hate cats... 

 

I will neither confirm or deny the rest of the contents of the article. 

    • ashbury, Seth Stohs, USAFChief and 5 others like this
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AlwaysinModeration
Jun 21 2019 06:14 AM
We are all Stoffer.

But I did peg the Poppen call-up.
    • ashbury, Sconnie and Hosken Bombo Disco like this
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theBOMisthebomb
Jun 21 2019 06:52 AM
You can't hate on the guy for what he did. We all have something outside of the Twins like a spouse, job, children, volunteer work, other hobbies and interests that might allow this to happen to us.
    • ashbury and Sconnie like this

I guess the really deep part of the cut comes from the fact we all knew exactly who Sean Poppen was.

 

Now, if you'd have told me a fellow named "Glenn Sparkmann" would shut down the Twins' mighty offense, I'd have said you must be quoting Stu.

    • ashbury, Oldgoat_MN and RandBalls Stu like this
I didn’t realize satire articles was exactly what Twins Daily needed, but I’m loving these articles. Good stuff!
    • USAFChief, diehardtwinsfan, Sconnie and 1 other like this
This one hit way too close to home

 

I'm not 39, nor a Bachelor, and I hate cats... 

 

I will neither confirm or deny the rest of the contents of the article. 

 

I don't know what to believe but he says it was you... so it was you. 

 

Benefit of the doubt. 

 

 

    • diehardtwinsfan likes this

 

Hey diehardtwinsfan, your name was in print today!

 

RS, do Riverbrian and USAFChief next!

 

I've waited a long time. Seems like by now I'd be a subject of a TD article. 

    • ashbury likes this

I've waited a long time. Seems like by now I'd be a subject of a TD article. 

If you want satire, give RandBall's Stu an infraction warning point for his persistent and blatant trolling.

 

That'll put you on his radar.

    • Riverbrian likes this

 

 

Now, if you'd have told me a fellow named "Glenn Sparkmann" would shut down the Twins' mighty offense, I'd have said you must be quoting Stu.

Seriously. With a name like that, he should be selling propane and propane accessories.

    • ashbury, Han Joelo and Oldgoat_MN like this

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