Jump to content

Providing independent coverage of the Minnesota Twins.
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

The Forums

Minor Leaguers to get a Raise

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 08:04 PM
https://apnews.com/1...a2641244e0c00fd     Players at rookie and short-season levels will see their minimum weekly pay raised...
Full topic ›

2019 2020 (non-Twins) off season

Other Baseball Today, 07:54 PM
My first prediction is that WA signs their two big possible FAs to extensions.   My next is that Cole goes to LAA.   The White...
Full topic ›

Ex-Twins in 2020

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 07:22 PM
The season hasn't started yet, but I was motivated to start this thread a bit early after getting a message from Van, suggesting that I s...
Full topic ›

KMSP: From Uber to starting in the playoffs

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 04:27 PM
https://www.fox9.com...f7KmB0wC7co-Q8k   Jim Rich of KMSP got an 'uber' ride from Randy Dobnak and they talked about his remarkable...
Full topic ›

Mookie Betts & David Price on the Move!

Other Baseball Today, 03:28 PM
Holy cow, a blockbuster trade!
Full topic ›

Diehard Twins Fan Admits to Self, Cat That He Didn’t Know Who Sean Poppen Was Either

Lino Lakes man talks a good game at work on Thursday, but later, in the quiet of his living room, reveals that he knew better.
Image courtesy of © Brad Rempel-USA TODAY Sports
The resurgent 2019 Twins have been a boon for Bruce Stoffer. The 3M account executive, known around the office for his omnipresent Twins cap and bobblehead collection, has had a field day talking to his newly interested co-workers about the team. Nowhere was this more apparent than on Thursday morning, when the subject of new reliever Sean Poppen came up.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been following Poppen’s rise through the system for quite awhile now,” Stoffer lied to his assistant. “I think everyone was panicked that he’d falter and the bullpen would really get worked, but I had faith in his stuff.
Stoffer continued this string of falsehoods over lunch.

“I’ve always liked Poppen’s velo and figured it could translate in the bigs if he could throw strikes,” fibbed the 39-year-old bachelor to the table of co-workers at Jimmy John’s. “Definitely one of those arms that stands out when you’re breaking down the prospects.”

The unrelenting wave of BS was capped off at the end of the day at a birthday celebration for Carly, his direct supervisor.

“When the game finally ended on Tuesday night, I sent a text to my buddy Josh saying I bet they call up Poppen in the morning,” said Stoffer, in a whopper that defied belief and gravity, to his assembled co-workers over a sheet cake from Cub Foods. “When you follow the game, these are the nuances that register for you.”

Later, alone and toggling between the Twins game and the NBA Draft on his television, he muted the volume and looked around his sparsely appointed living room.

“I have no idea who that guy is,” he admitted to his cat, Otto. “I looked all that up on Baseball Prospectus when the game was on like everyone else did. I don’t know why I did this.”

Stoffer promised the cat that he would not do the same thing regarding Timberwolves draft pick Jarrett Culver on Friday, who he had never heard of until he was drafted. He later admitted that the odds of this were 50/50 at best.

  • Dantes929 and nclahammer like this

  • Share:
  • submit to reddit
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

11 Comments

Hey diehardtwinsfan, your name was in print today!

 

RS, do Riverbrian and USAFChief next!

    • Dantes929, Oldgoat_MN and Hosken Bombo Disco like this
Photo
diehardtwinsfan
Jun 21 2019 05:44 AM

I'm not 39, nor a Bachelor, and I hate cats... 

 

I will neither confirm or deny the rest of the contents of the article. 

    • ashbury, Seth Stohs, USAFChief and 5 others like this
Photo
AlwaysinModeration
Jun 21 2019 06:14 AM
We are all Stoffer.

But I did peg the Poppen call-up.
    • ashbury, Sconnie and Hosken Bombo Disco like this
Photo
theBOMisthebomb
Jun 21 2019 06:52 AM
You can't hate on the guy for what he did. We all have something outside of the Twins like a spouse, job, children, volunteer work, other hobbies and interests that might allow this to happen to us.
    • ashbury and Sconnie like this

I guess the really deep part of the cut comes from the fact we all knew exactly who Sean Poppen was.

 

Now, if you'd have told me a fellow named "Glenn Sparkmann" would shut down the Twins' mighty offense, I'd have said you must be quoting Stu.

    • ashbury, Oldgoat_MN and RandBalls Stu like this
I didn’t realize satire articles was exactly what Twins Daily needed, but I’m loving these articles. Good stuff!
    • USAFChief, diehardtwinsfan, Sconnie and 1 other like this
This one hit way too close to home

 

I'm not 39, nor a Bachelor, and I hate cats... 

 

I will neither confirm or deny the rest of the contents of the article. 

 

I don't know what to believe but he says it was you... so it was you. 

 

Benefit of the doubt. 

 

 

    • diehardtwinsfan likes this

 

Hey diehardtwinsfan, your name was in print today!

 

RS, do Riverbrian and USAFChief next!

 

I've waited a long time. Seems like by now I'd be a subject of a TD article. 

    • ashbury likes this

I've waited a long time. Seems like by now I'd be a subject of a TD article. 

If you want satire, give RandBall's Stu an infraction warning point for his persistent and blatant trolling.

 

That'll put you on his radar.

    • Riverbrian likes this

 

 

Now, if you'd have told me a fellow named "Glenn Sparkmann" would shut down the Twins' mighty offense, I'd have said you must be quoting Stu.

Seriously. With a name like that, he should be selling propane and propane accessories.

    • ashbury, Han Joelo and Oldgoat_MN like this

Similar Articles


by AJ Condon , 31 Jul 2019
Photo


by Thiéres Rabelo , 26 Jul 2019
Photo


by AJ Condon , 25 Jul 2019
Photo


by Seth Stohs , 04 Jul 2019
Photo


by Seth Stohs , 24 Jun 2019
Photo