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Article: Luis Arráez: Hitting Machine

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Article: 2019 Twins Midseason Top Prospect List: 16-20

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Article: Twins Minor League Report (6/26): Rochester Roas...

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Area Man to Let Bullpen Ruin His Family's Weekend

In an otherwise ideal season, the Minnesota Twins' glaring weakness remains their bullpen. And at least one man is going to let it wreck the next few days.
Image courtesy of © David Berding-USA TODAY Sports
FRIDAY

Scott Andersen and his wife Molly are on a rare date night at an upscale restaurant, as Molly’s sister is in town and watching their two children.

Molly: Should we get an appetizer? I’m starving, and this glass of wine is gonna hit me like a train if I don’t eat something before dinner gets here.

Scott (clearly distracted): Yeah, sure.

Molly: You didn’t even hear what I said, did you?

Scott (looks up from his phone): Sorry. It's just the Twins bullpen. Blew a gimme against Cleveland, didn't sign Kimbrel, have no idea what they're going to do tonight if it's close. Man.

Molly: This is our first night out in five months. Put your phone away. We're getting calamari.

Scott (looks up from his phone): Do you want to get an appetizer?

SATURDAY

Scott and Molly's oldest child, Ashton, is nine. He has his last soccer game of the year today.

Molly: Hey, Ashton's in the game again. Look honey.

Scott (looking at phone): What's that?

Molly: Ashton. Your son. He's back in the game. That's him right there.

Scott (still looking at phone): Oh, good.

Molly: Is something wrong?

Scott: No. I mean, yes, it's just that I'm looking at all these relievers who could be on the market for the Twins but they sure as hell aren't making any moves right now. I bet the Astros wouldn't stand pat. The Red Sox would pull the trigger and get it fixed. It's so aggravating, and it's not li--

Molly (who quit listening two sentences ago): Oh my god Ashton's got a breakaway GO ASHTON!

Scott: --and I just read Buster Olney saying that the Twins are willing to let the market come to them and I'm just like, what if the market doesn't develop and Matt Magill has to get the Yankees out in a high-leverage spot? I tell you what will hap--

Molly: OH MY GOD HE SCORED! HONEY HE SCORED! HIS FIRST GOAL! LOOK AT HOW HAPPY HE IS!

Scott: Who scored?

SUNDAY

Molly's brother Sean is graduating from high school. There is a party at the local park shelter with burgers, chips, soda, beer, and other cookout staples. He's the youngest child, and the entire family is celebrating. Molly's father Art walks over to Scott, who is sitting by himself next to the sheet cake.

Art: Not going to lie to you, it's going to be weird having no kids at home when Sean goes to college. How do your folks like it?

Scott (clearly distracted): Yeah, I know.

Art: What?

Scott: Sorry, didn't catch that. It's just...it's the Twins. They knew the bullpen was going to be an issue in the offseason, and they did nothing to address it. Unless you call signing Blake Parker addressing it, which I don't! Come on! Everyone saw it coming! Man.

Art (who doesn't watch sports and has never really understood his son-in-law): I'm going to get a beer. Want one?

Scott (looking at his phone again): I already ate, thanks.

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19 Comments

Art imitates life.
    • ashbury, glunn, operation mindcrime and 1 other like this

I'm sorry...are you a new writer here?

    • glunn, operation mindcrime, Nine of twelve and 1 other like this

Jesus, this hits close to home...

    • Sconnie and operation mindcrime like this
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woolywoolhouse
Jun 07 2019 08:01 AM

No depressed Minnesota baseball fan's ears would fail to perk up at the sound of the weird "beer."

    • operation mindcrime, Doctor Wu and MMMordabito like this
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TheLeviathan
Jun 07 2019 08:22 AM

I was really hoping Randball Stu was going to have an article in which Ryan Pressly offers intimate candlelight dinners with TD posters so that they can shed all their angst and say goodbye.

 

This'll do though.

    • glunn, CUtomorrownight, operation mindcrime and 1 other like this

My wife can relate.

    • operation mindcrime likes this
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RatherBeGolfing
Jun 07 2019 08:39 AM

It's me

    • operation mindcrime likes this
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tarheeltwinsfan
Jun 07 2019 08:47 AM

 Good article. Thanks.

    • operation mindcrime and RandBall's Stu like this
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Carole Keller
Jun 07 2019 08:47 AM

LOL ... nailed it.

    • CUtomorrownight, operation mindcrime and RandBall's Stu like this
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Brock Beauchamp
Jun 07 2019 08:48 AM

This is why I don't let individual baseball games get to me.

 

It works at least half the time, too.

    • diehardtwinsfan, woolywoolhouse, Sconnie and 2 others like this
Sounds like a fun filled weekend.
    • operation mindcrime and RandBall's Stu like this

Scott Andersen is a big softie. He just needs someone in his life to acknowledge his pain.

 

He should have married a Vikings fan.

    • diehardtwinsfan, operation mindcrime and RandBall's Stu like this
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twinssporto
Jun 07 2019 10:57 AM

This article needs to find its way into Falvey's email somehow...Hilarious.  Thank you.

    • tarheeltwinsfan and operation mindcrime like this

This was really good.

I find a mini documentary on regular folks enlightening.

Odd how sometimes they don't really occur as that different from myself.

Thank you

 

    • operation mindcrime likes this
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bunt_vs_the_shift
Jun 07 2019 11:25 AM

(Looking at my phone)

Sorry, what?

    • Hosken Bombo Disco, operation mindcrime and Nine of twelve like this
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operation mindcrime
Jun 07 2019 11:37 AM
Mike Sixel has a wife named Molly! Who knew? :)
    • tarheeltwinsfan and Nine of twelve like this
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LimestoneBaggy
Jun 07 2019 11:48 AM

Hits you right in the feels....

 

Molly: You didn’t even hear what I said, did you?

Scott (to himself): Gee, what a strange way to begin a conversation.

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Don't Feed the Greed Guy
Jun 07 2019 10:01 PM
Soccer? Who cares. Now, if the kid hit a dinger, Dad sleeps on the couch for a week!

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