Jump to content

Providing independent coverage of the Minnesota Twins.
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

The Forums

Article: Playoffs Or Bust?: Molitor's Murky Future

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 01:25 AM
The Twins are at a crossroads. When Derek Falvey and Thad Levine were brought into the fold last off-season, there was one stipulation: P...
Full topic ›

Upcoming Roster Moves + Roster Shuffle

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 01:25 AM
With the upcoming doubleheader on Monday and Grossman heading to the DL with a fractured finger, the Twins will need to make some moves....
Full topic ›

Mitch Garver's College Coach Tweets That He's Hea...

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 12:48 AM
Coach Birmingham tweeted it, Gail Garver -- Mitch's mom retweeted it.   http://zonecoverage....e-mitch-garver/
Full topic ›

Aaron Slegers to Make Major League Debut Tomorrow

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 01:25 AM
Looks like Slegers will be called up as the 26th man, and Berrios will be held out until the weekend.   http://www.1500espn....make-...
Full topic ›

Sano is struggling with the curve

Minnesota Twins Talk Yesterday, 10:22 PM
I haven't heard much talk of this year, but I have lost track of how many times in the last week and a half or so that Sano has struck ou...
Full topic ›

Wha Happened #4 (@ White Sox & vs. Marlins)

Here's your quick, easy, inaccurate guide to the last week in Minnesota Twins Baseball...'

Game 15
Cold Weathered Out

After going all the way to Chicago just to find out that another game would be postponed due to inclement weather, the Twins groaned loudly in protest. Manager Ron Gardenhire's offer to take everyone out for ice cream was a nice thought but...seriously...whose thinking about ice cream on the 79th day of February?[PRBREAK][/PRBREAK]

Originally published at Peanuts For Heaven

Game 16
Twins 2 - White Sox 1

In the afternoon, we peanuts thrilled to see the Twins squeak out a win in the Windy City, behind a strong 7 innings from Vance "Vanimal" Worley, and the night only got better as Mrs. Peanut and I went to see Minnesota Opera's version of Turandot...which would look something like this to the Vanimal.


Game 17
Twins 5 - White Sox 3

Attached Image: Ubermensch.jpg Years ago, we Peanuts met Jesse Crain. In addition to being polite with your run of the mill fans, he also seemed vaguely entertained by our comical shenanigans and goofy photoshops. For this reason we said that he was not just a "mensch" he was in fact "the Ubermensch". This allowed us to make all kinds of goofy allusions to philosophy while writing Twins recaps and caused much amusement...at least for us.

And while we Peanuts still want to take every opportunity to destroy the White Sox, we're a little less keen on crushing our pal "Ze Ubermensch". So when Ze Ubermensch came into pitch with the bases loaded we had to pause before remembering what we really wanted to see.

Facing Josh Willingham, Ze Ubermensch chose to open with one of his favorite argument/pitches, guaranteed to throw hitters off balance: Attached Image: Willinghammer.jpg "We speak of 'stranding runners' in baseball, and yet, in order to be 'stranded' shouldn't one be eternally lost, abandoned and forlorn, strapped to their base as if it were an island in the stream? Given that the runners, do in fact return to the dugout and thence to the field, is it not morally superior to leave them to their own devices, challenging the so called 'stranded' to survive the treacherous jog back to the bench under their own guile and intellect? With the human mind capable of such complex, instinctual foresight, denying these runners the right to exercise their mental acuity is akin to negating the will of the student to question his teachings."

Cogent as that argument may be, our own local God of Thunder unleashed his Willinghammer all over Ze Ubermensch with a bases clearing double. Standing on second base Willingham was heard to remark to Crain: "Sorry...I couldn't hear your question over the sound of my awesomeness..."

Game 18
Gross Weathered Out

In their offices at Target Field the Pohlad brothers mutter darkly about moving the team somewhere with nicer weather that doesn't run the risk of so many early season snow/rain outs...like maybe: Nome, Alaska.

Attached Image: Blizard+of+Oz.jpg Game 18
(Take 2
Twins 4 - Marlins 3

Through the gloom of yet another April snow storm, the Twins took the field to battle the Miami Laughingstocks...I mean Marlins. As good fortune would have it, they had with them a young rookie with a nickname tailor-made for this kind of weather: "The Blizzard of Oz" Oswaldo Arcia! And with a heroic summoning of his magical prowess the Blizzard Wizard smote the Marlins with a three-run blast to take the lead and seal the game.

Game 19
Marlins 8-Twins 5

Sensing my disparaging comments of them in the previous paragraphs, the Marlins took their revenge on Mike Pelfrey.

As frustrating as their hitting was for Pelfry, it was more aggravating to hear them snidely shout out Nickleback lyrics with sheer condescension "Should've seen it coming!" jeered Placido Palanco. "It had to happen sometimes" crowed Greg Dobbs. "You went and bought a knife/to an all out gun fight" giggled Rob Brantley. This was frustrating for Pelfry, but more frustrating for fans who realized that the Marlins actually sing better than Nickleback front man Chad Kroeger.

Mr. Peanut: Brian Dozier (With a small sample size this is mostly an award for improved defense and plate discipline, but still warranted.)

Nutty Buddy: Trevor Plouffe (Again, it's a small sample size, but mediocre plate work plus poor defense means fans are seeing Eduardo Escobar through rose-colored, beer-goggled, Plouffey eyes.)

  • Share:
  • submit to reddit
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

Subscribe to Twins Daily Email