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Game Thread: Twins v Pale Hose, 9/2 @ 7:10pm CT

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:28 PM
Game-time forecast: Clear. Winds blowing from right to left field at 5-10 m.p.h. Temperature around 80. PALE HOSE: SP, Noesi Eaton CF Ram...
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Adam Brett Walker II - 2014

Adopt A Prospect 2014 Today, 08:15 PM
[COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3]Adam Brett Walker II - DOB 10/18/1991 (22)[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=#222222][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=3...
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Twins survey questions posted on Twitter by Darren Wolfson

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 08:00 PM
Thought the survey topic that the Minnesota Twins sent Darren Wolfson and his responses on Twitter as a likely season ticket holder...
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Article: Twins Minor League Report (9/1): Polanco Hot; E-...

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 08:15 PM
Happy Labor Day!Still a lot of meaningful activity going on as the minor league regular season comes to a close. The Twins were led to a...
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Nick Gordon broke his thumb

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 08:00 PM
And out for the E-town post season.   Cannot even make it up...
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Let's Talk Twins Giveaways

I care a lot about the Twins giveaways, I’m not even sure why. I think the stupid, pointless, but fun things are a part of what make the game of baseball so loveable. (See also: mascots, walkup music, and special handshakes. Not the wave, don’t be dumb.) While the Twins are pretty good about having a handful of decent giveaways each year, there are always some duds thrown in there.

Attached Image: minnesota-twins-garden-gnome.jpg For example, on the 16th of August, the Twins will have an “aviator sunglasses and shell necklace” giveaway. This idea is terrible. Us women look at the combination of these items as a sign of who to avoid. If the whole ballpark is wearing them it throws everything off. No one is safe anymore.

The team also did the usual DQ cap giveaway, the fishing lure, and the poster schedule, among other things. These are fine and I understand the tradition of giving these things away every year, but the Twins could do well to be a little more creative. With how they’ve been playing lately they’ve got to try harder to get the people in the park. I humbly submit the following ideas.

PLUSH
A few years ago the Twins gave away a plush Joe Mauer to fans 14 and under. Obviously, it was adorable. I think it’s time to bring the plush baseball players back. We have a lot of cuddly options on the team right now. There’s Doumit and his fuzzy red beard. They could do Dozier complete with flowing locks ready to be whipped to and fro. Or, I’ve got it! Plush Glen Perkins with working zipper! Wait, no, that one is terrible. And enough of this 14 and under nonsense, it gets exhausting kidnapping a child or walking on your knees every time.

FILL IN THE BLANKS
Of course, being as the Twins consistently have a merry go round of players going up and down from the minor leagues, it might be best to just avoid any player specific items. Maybe have a blank bobble head with a marker provided to draw on the face and name of whichever player is up that week.

DISGUISES
Instead of the aviators and shell necklaces they could give out those eyeglass and mustache combinations so you can successfully disguise yourself when the Twins fumble another routine play. Plus a crowd of people wearing funny glasses would just be hilarious. Could really boost fan morale.

GNOMES
Finally, my most obvious suggestion: How have the Twins not had a gnome giveaway? The Twins manager is a human embodiment of a lawn gnome! I’m pretty sure if he put on a pointed hat and sat outside in someone’s yard, no one would bat an eye. The Giants (and many other teams) have given away gnome versions of several of their players the last few years. And although the Tim Lincecum version (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH - McCovey Chronicles) has probably given multiple children nightmares, the idea is still pretty great. The Twins did in fact make a Gardenhire gnome that was sold at the Proshop, but I really think Twins fans deserve to be given one. We’ve earned it after all we’ve been through.

The ball is in your court, Twins Organization. I will be eagerly waiting by my computer for the inevitable email from your promotional department begging for my assistance.


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