Building Dr. Taylor-stein's Twins Monster
Image courtesy of my lovely wife, Adriana TaylorAs the Twins brass looked on at the roster, evaluating who should be the 26th man, they weren’t too pleased with their options. Jake Cave has a nice bat, but is a bit redundant as another left-handed corner outfielder. Willians Astudillo can catch, but regressed quite a bit in 2019. With nowhere else to turn in a season when expectations are so high, the Twins called upon Dr. Matthew von Taylor-stein to concoct a Twins monster that would slot in as the 26th man and push this team over the edge.
In building his Twins monster, Dr. Taylor-stein will be taking key attributes from various Minnesota Twins players over the years to build the ultimate Minnesota Twins player with just three simple rules:
- We are only building for a batter, fielding is not considered.
- We can’t take more than one attribute from a single Twins player.
- We can’t operate on current Twins players.
Intelligence: Joe Mauer
Honorable Mention: Kent Hrbek
We can have all of the physical tools in the world, but if we don’t have a bright head on our shoulders, all of our talent will go to waste. That is why we are starting our Twins monster with the head and using the head of Joe Mauer. From the moment he was drafted first overall, Mauer has always revelled in the mental parts of baseball. He turned swinging the baseball bat into a science and used patience and plate discipline to ensure that he would make every pitcher work hard. Mauer famously showed patience with his 12% BB% and showed plate discipline by never posting a K% higher than 18%. In addition, by taking Mauer’s head, we get to sport the sideburns that would make any man jealous.
Power: Harmon Killebrew
Honorable Mention: Justin Morneau
Knowing that we have the head of Joe Mauer, we can add some brute strength to our Twins monster, and who embodies this better than Twins Hall of Famer, Harmon Killebrew? Killebrew is the all-time club leader in home runs in a season (49), seasons with 40+ home runs (8) and career home runs (559). The Killer not only hit home runs in bunches, but he hit them far, by recording the farthest home run in the history of Metropolitan Stadium when he launched a homer 520 feet. Taking the arms of any other Twins player in this situation just isn’t an option.
Contact: Rod Carew
Honorable Mention: Tony Oliva
For the hands of our Twins monster we need a player who can handle the bat well, ensure that he will make good contact, and get on base. The perfect candidate for this is Rod Carew. In the history of the Minnesota Twins franchise, no player has a higher career batting average than Carew’s career .334. Over the course of his 19 year career, Carew won 7 batting titles and just 4 times failed to eclipse a .300 batting average. By combining the power of Killebrew with the hands and bat control of Rod Carew, our Twins monster is going to be one powerful beast.
Speed: Chuck Knoblauch
Honorable Mention: Cesar Tovar
With all of the baseballs that our Twins monster is going to be hitting, we’ll need to be sure that we have the legs to get around the bases, and with Knoblauch we will do just that. His career 276 stolen bases is most in team history, as is his 62 stolen bases that he recorded in 1997. In total, Chuck has posted 6 different seasons with more than 30 stolen bases and will do an incredible job moving our Twins monster across the baseball diamond.
Heart: Kirby Puckett
Honorable Mention: Gary Gaetti
All that is missing from our Twins player now is the heart. The heart of our player is what will produce in the clutch. It’s what will give our player the drive and the passion to inspire his teammates and galvanize our team. No player in Twins history embodied this more than Kirby Puckett. While you can bring up some questionable parts of his past, nobody can ever doubt his passion, his love for the game, and his ability to rise up when the team needed him most. Puckett is the team-leader in career walk off hits and has the most memorable hit and catch in team history. No player loved the game more than Puck, and no player showed greater passion for the game he loved than Mr. Puckett. There is no better player’s heart that is better to give to our Twins monster than Kirby Puckett.
After compiling all of the attributes from the best players in Twins history, Dr. Taylor-stein’s surgery is complete, the Twins monster has been assembled, and is ready to compete for the 2020 Minnesota Twins.
How do you think our Minnesota Twins monster turned out? Would you have changed any of his attributes? Leave a comment below and start the conversation!
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