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Vegas Releases Odds On Next Byron Buxton Injury

Bet your child’s college fund on what happens to the talented and oft-hurt Twins outfielder next.

When Byron Buxton experienced a setback in his recovery from a shoulder injury this week, it cast a cloud over an otherwise positive run of play for the Minnesota Twins. It also caused Las Vegas bookmakers to reset the big board on what will next ail the star-crossed center fielder.
Image courtesy of © Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports
These are the current odds on the next mishap that will send Buxton to the injured list.
  • Bruised ribs 3-2
  • Separated shoulder 2-1
  • Concussion, baseball-derived 5-2
  • Runningintoawallatfullspeed-itis 3-1
  • Killer bees 7-2
  • Concussion, struck-by-errant-Kirk Cousins-pass-while-attending-Vikings-game-derived, 4-1
  • One of those diseases you get because people aren’t vaccinating their kids anymore 5-1
  • One of those diseases you get because of the melting Arctic permafrost, like werewolf dysplasia or something 11-2
  • Trampled by Paul Bunyan statue that has come to horrible life, 8-1
  • Treated by Indianapolis Colts trainers, 10-1
  • Told to “rub dirt on it” when it’s obviously an open wound by one of those guys who always rails against participation trophies and entitled millennials even though he works for his dad 12-1
  • Zach Granite’s Lament 14-1
  • Toilet explosion 15-1
  • Joins Slipknot as a second drummer and tours Europe 18-1
  • Zombie uprising (fast zombies) 20-1
  • Attacked by the same bird that attacked James Paxton, who has developed a taste for it now and continues to learn 25-1
  • Zombie uprising (slow zombies) 35-1
  • Gets lost in rural Falcon Heights looking for State Fair parking spot, 40-1
  • Zombie uprising (Rob Zombie) 55-1
  • Watches the watchmen, develops cataracts, 60-1
  • Comes at king, misses 65-1
  • Develops allergy to baseball gloves 70-1
  • Joins an improv group and constantly asks teammates to come out and watch a performance and is told to stay away from the team for a while because my god Byron 85-1
  • Doesn’t get hurt for the rest of the season 5000-1

  • glunn, h2oface and nclahammer like this

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15 Comments

Joins Spinal Tap reunion tour as a drummer and spontaneously explodes during a show at a blues festival.

    • Mike Sixel, operation mindcrime and FlauerPauer like this

Don't be ridiculous. Kirk Cousins doesn't have the arm strength to cause a concussion.

    • Mike Sixel, Oldgoat_MN, Hosken Bombo Disco and 3 others like this

Sharp money is seeing a lot of value in the line movement around "comes at king, misses." 

    • USAFChief and railmarshalljon like this

Thanks, Stu, needed a good smile this morning!

    • Hosken Bombo Disco likes this

This, my friends is vintage Stu.  If I had to bet my kids' college money on this, which currently consists of an aging $100 bill in my wallet that I'm afraid to break, I'd go with the Toilet Explosion, because it only stretches credulity a smidge.

 

Don't get suckered into that "Fast Zombie" thing.  There is no such thing in real life.  I believe those are technically called ghouls, although I'd have to consult my D and D manual to be sure.

    • USAFChief, Dantes929, Hosken Bombo Disco and 1 other like this

I don't know whether to smile or to groan. Sigh. Please heal quickly Mr. Buxton!

    • Hosken Bombo Disco likes this

Noteworthy that bilateral leg weakness didn't make the board at 100-1.

    • USAFChief, Han Joelo, Mike Sixel and 5 others like this

Most definitely not wishing it on anyone and kind of hate to go here but if you like irony then maybe Lou Gehrig's disease would be the bet.

I just got 3-1 odds on a hangnail keeping him out for more than 5 days.

    • operation mindcrime likes this

wish he could read things like this, Byron the Brittle

    • operation mindcrime likes this
Photo
Hosken Bombo Disco
Aug 30 2019 10:18 AM
I combined “Treated by Indianapolis Colts trainers, 10-1”

into a parlay, with “Buxton announces retirement right before American League Division Series, 2500-1”.

Wish me luck! (haha). I will think fondly of you all in my retirement!
    • USAFChief, 70charger and operation mindcrime like this

Most definitely not wishing it on anyone and kind of hate to go here but if you like irony then maybe Lou Gehrig's disease would be the bet.

Maybe allow half-measures in this instance, and go with Wally Pipp's Disease.

 

Which, since Byron suffers from migraines, is a little too close to the truth, so never mind.

    • operation mindcrime likes this
Photo
MMMordabito
Aug 30 2019 11:17 AM

 

Noteworthy that bilateral leg weakness didn't make the board at 100-1.

 

Stu was already stretching reality with the zombie uprisings.That would have been too fantastic.

    • Dantes929 and operation mindcrime like this
Surgery to remove whatever that thing is sticking out of his mouth in the accompanying pic goes poorly. 125-1. Further examination reveals the object to be the rear door handle from a 2014 Audi that Buxton ran into when he raced down to Taco Bell for a late night snack before they closed at 10.
    • operation mindcrime likes this

I do feel bad for th guy. Basically another half-sesaon lost. He does show progress over past seasons, and makes it look good that the Twins do have that extra arbitration season under their hat.

 

But Byron is going to be pushed. Could Kepler move to centerfield. Is Kirilloff the next great centerfield prospect. Who is in right or left come 2022. 

 

Seriously, the Twins could have an outfield of Kepler/Buxton/Rosario for4-6 more seasons, but who do YOU see playing the outfield in 2022 let alone 2024?


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