Jump to content

Providing independent coverage of the Minnesota Twins.
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

The Forums

MLB.com report on instructional league prospects

Twins Minor League Talk Today, 08:07 AM
In case you haven't seen it, mlb.com has published an article on the prospects at instructional league camp and their progress.   ht...
Full topic ›

2020 MLB (non-Twins) Postseason Discussion Thread

Other Baseball Today, 08:07 AM
Feel free to chime in here about any of the (non-Twins) 2020 MLB postseason games!
Full topic ›

Nelson Cruz wants 2 years

Minnesota Twins Talk Today, 06:20 AM
https://www.mlbtrade...-year-deal.html
Full topic ›

YouTube TV Drops Fox Sports Regional Networks

Other Baseball 23 Oct 2020
Does MLB and its TV affiliates (mostly Fox Sports channels) realize how idiotic they are being by not being available to be watched on ma...
Full topic ›

Recent Blogs

Attempt to Echo Robe Gimmick Backfires; Multiple Twins Injured

Novelty bikini briefs turn into ‘a perfect machine of groin havoc.’
Image courtesy of © Jesse Johnson-USA TODAY Sports
Earlier this week, Josh Donaldson ordered customized robes for his fellow Minnesota Twins. The positive impact on clubhouse morale was immediate and they soon became a social and traditional media sensation. The follow-up is markedly less successful and leaves the team in dire straits entering the season’s final weekend.

Sources close to the squad say that over a dozen Twins are headed to the 10-day injured list due to issues stemming from custom embroidered powder blue bikini briefs with red lettering they received after Wednesday’s 7-6 victory over Detroit.

“The players got back to their lockers and found this custom underwear waiting for them,” said a clubhouse source. “Number in front, name in back. Lotta guys threw ‘em on after showering before heading back to the hotel. The problems became apparent shortly thereafter.”

The issues derived from two main sources: Stitching described as “razor-like” and the blue and red dyes seeping into the skin upon contact. They are the main ingredients in what a team official described as “a perfect machine of groin havoc.”

“The seams of the underwear basically acted like an emery board made out of slivers on the bikini area,” said the official. “Once the dye chemicals soaked into the abrasions, it became a disaster.”

“It looks like Chernobyl down there,” said one unnamed Twin. “My god. My god.”

“Everything is wrong,” said another. “The EMT said it looked like I gave birth to an angry Muppet.”

The team is not naming the players until all their families can be notified, nor are they revealing who provided the controversial briefs. Multiple media reports say that the logo for Windel Qual International, a Berlin-based company that manufactures chocolates, stainless steel cutlery, and adult novelties, could be seen on the underwear, turning attention to Germany's own Max Kepler.

The outfielder could not be reached for comment. Unconfirmed reports say he might be out of action the longest.

“He had a special thong-style one,” said a veteran Twins pitcher who asked not to be identified. “His (expletive) hinder looks like a (expletive) abattoir.”

  • h2oface, JCinNWMN, Dman and 3 others like this

  • Share:
  • submit to reddit
Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

Subscribe to Twins Daily Email

6 Comments

I stopped reading after the 1st sentence. I could only think that any understanding I gained from reading this could leave me permanently scarred . . . for-ev-er.

    • JoshDungan1 and Channing1964 like this

 

I stopped reading after the 1st sentence. I could only think that any understanding I gained from reading this could leave me permanently scarred . . . for-ev-er.

 

Lol ... I, on the other hand, had no problems reading this whatsoever! :) 

    • Melissa likes this

Angry Muppet.Well done.

    • DocBauer likes this

Same here, SQUIRREL!

Photo
Channing1964
Sep 26 2020 07:32 AM

I stopped reading after the 1st sentence. I could only think that any understanding I gained from reading this could leave me permanently scarred . . . for-ev-er.

do you mean scarred...or scared?
Got a website for this "Windel Qual International?"

Asking for a friend.
    • DocBauer likes this

Similar Articles


by Ted Schwerzler , 18 Sep 2020
Photo


by Nick Nelson , 31 Aug 2020
Photo


by Cody Christie , 31 Aug 2020
Photo


by RandBalls Stu , 20 Aug 2020
Photo


by Ted Schwerzler , 19 Aug 2020
Photo